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Mildred

Her name was Mildred.  This was unusual.  Mildred had never met another bird named Mildred.  Come to think of it, Mildred had never met another bird named anything so perhaps the surprising thing here was that Mildred had a name at all.  As a general rule, all other birds were called 'That One Over There' or variations on this theme: 'That Big One Over There', 'That One On Her Nest Over There', 'That Bat-Shit Crazy One Over There', 'That One I Want To Fuck Over There' but Mildred had always been just 'Mildred', no locational clause required.  This was because Mildred had been born in a cage and, as a chick, had regularly been picked up and fondled by large, pink, fleshy hands that smelt of food and rubber gloves and something acidic and painful.  The hands had named Mildred 'Mildred' and had told her this fact so many times that now Mildred repeated these two clumsy syllables to the world at regular intervals.  She did it now, in fact.

'MILDRRRRRED!  MILDRRRRRED!'

Mildred was pleased.  This had been the third loudest 'Mildrrrrred! Mildrrrrred!' in the last half hour.  It had even shocked a butterfly out of the sky.  Her third for the week.  A fine effort!

She looked up into the now slightly emptier blue expanse.  She wanted to fly.  Not that she was particularly good at flying, having spent so much of her life with wings painfully inactive but today the sky was that shade of blue that seems to challenge all creatures to rise up from the earth and dive through its vibrant infinity.  Today, that sky seemed made for her.  'Mildred,' the blue said, 'this one's yours.   Fling yourself up and into me.  My arms are open.  I'll catch you.'

Mildred cocked her head, listening intently to this intangible voice.  Then she bent her little, woody legs, spread her scrawny wings and pushed off.


Kitty Foo Foo

Kitty Foo Foo was in a bad mood.  This was nothing new.  Kitty Foo Foo was frequently in a bad mood.  You see, Kitty Foo Foo was cursed: his silky hair was much too long for any practical use.  In fact, it prevented him from freely answering the call of nature and thus he was often subjected to sudden, undignified bathes and had twice this week suffered the humiliation of having a hose jet aimed squarely up his pungent backside.

It really wasn't fair and today Kitty Foo Foo had ample time to consider the magnitude of this injustice as he lay in a choice sunbeam, drying his behind.

'It's a question of genetics,' thought Kitty Foo Foo.  'Fuck the man who invented genetics.  Fuck him and his mother too.  Preferably the one who does the fucking of the mother should have some embarrassing physical feature which could then be passed along to her odorous child and thus preemptively punish him with his own invention.  One cannot help that one's fur does not allow one adequate passage for one's excrement!  Did one ask to be born like this?  Into a body more pompom than cat?  It would be all well and good if one's ambition was to be, say, a ornament on a mantle piece, stationed between an overly ornate cuckoo clock and a fashionable arrangement of dried grass - even better if one's ambitions involved never craping – but THIS one's ambition is to hunt!  To be sleek and leap and catch and latch on to living, fluttering things.  Like that fucking yellow bird that keeps yelling 'MILDRRRRRED!  MILDRRRRRED!' at the top of it's lungs.'

Kitty Foo Foo hated that bird.

There she was.   Looking so damn smug.  So satisfied by the magnitude of her voice and the colour of the sky.  Looking like life had been made just for her.

Kitty Foo Foo was not a stealthy animal - and who could blame him - but that day, he moved like silk.  The sun shone, a butterfly dropped from the cloudless blue sky and Kitty Foo Foo's eyes never left the back of that feather-brained imbecilic.


Her

I watch.  Some would say that I watch and hate but I do not watch and hate, I know no hate, I know only the watch and the wait and the world passes by.  

Today I watch the sky, that blue bountiful sky that has of late rained down such succulence as to see my belly swell almost to the point of incapacitation but still I wait and I watch for I see a white figure dancing haphazardly through the blue and my hunger-lust is willing its downfall.  

I blink my eight eyes but one at a time.  No fewer than seven shall see this delectable descent.

Of late many white figures have been falling from the sky into my waiting web and outstretched legs, their navigation momentarily and fatally shattered by my little yellow angel.  

There she is now.  

Wait for it.

Wait.

One eye follows her.  The other seven…

She is taking a breath.  

'MILDRRRRRED!  MILDRRRRRED!'

Down!  The other seven see the white come down, down it comes and straight to my ravenous stomach and I.  I embrace its terrified form, kiss it, and wrap it with care.  

One eye remains on my angel.

One eye sees her launch into the incandescent air, glowing with pride and flight.

One eye sees the cat, a beast once comical made splendid in this single moment of rage, as it flies through blue and latches, latches like I am latched, onto my Mildred.   

One eye sees the last shuddering wing tip disappear inside those self-satisfied jaws.

Well.  

It was good while it lasted.

Eight eyes fix on my dinner.  I drink to Mildred.
Right so.

First off, many, many apologies to the people whose comments I am yet to reply to. So very flat out right now. I've recently cut down my work days from 7 days a week to 5 so at least I'm now approaching normal human hours but, considering how much time I have to spend preparing for the university class I'm teaching, it's still really a 7 day week. But I do apologise. I hate that everyone put in such effort and thought into commenting on my most recent journal and I haven't even found the time to respond.


Let this little thing of silliness serve as my apology gift. Just to show that I occasionally write humour. (Although I still have to kill things, even in comedy; what's a story without a bit of death?) I actually wrote this two weeks ago when a friend came around to cook us dinner. Yes, I have such lovely friends that they come to MY house to cook for my housemates and I. She supplied the food, I brought the wine and wrote this story which was served with the meal. She gave me a theme (which was 'spider-web') and I wrote this on the train home from work, one part of the story for each person, slipped under their plate with the entree.

Enjoy!

Now, back to work for me.
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:iconnutcase9:
Nutcase9 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2015  Student General Artist
Cool, very cool
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:iconhalfgeniushalfwit:
HalfGeniusHalfWit Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012
I fiiiiiiinally got around to reading this one! It has been ensconced in my Deviantwatch bar for weeks upon weeks, poking me in the eye every time I flit past and always I have thought myself too busy to properly appreciate some of your writing, My bad; it was perfectly wonderful as always. The strong differences in voice between each character are delightful. I think I like Her the best. She has a sharp mind.
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:iconhalohid:
Halohid Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
Haha, and I finally got around to responding.

Thank you! Glad you liked it. It was very fun to write. Sometimes a ridiculous deadline works the best for creativity.
Reply
:icondarth-marlan:
Darth-Marlan Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Professional Photographer
Awesome and entertaining as always miss :hug:

:sun:
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:iconhalohid:
Halohid Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
Thank you!
Reply
:icondarth-marlan:
Darth-Marlan Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Professional Photographer
Always welcome :rose:
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:icontonepainter:
tonepainter Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm always filled with joy whenever there's a new ~Halohid story... and this one doesn't disappoint in the least!

Great fun :D
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:iconhalohid:
Halohid Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
:D Thank you! So glad to hear that they fill you with joy! This was just a bit of fun but I really enjoyed writing it. So sorry that I can't share more of my writing. Most of my efforts go into my scripts which are much harder to share online.
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:icontonepainter:
tonepainter Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Have any of your plays been filmed or videotaped? I'd love to see one of those, but I don't think I'll be able to travel down under anytime soon.
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:iconhalohid:
Halohid Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
Hmmm. I don't think there is a great deal accessible. Things are filmed for our own documentation but we only use that for grants and applications.

This is probably the best I can give you. This is documentation gathered by the animator who worked on one of my plays, Insomnia Cat Came To Stay. What he has put together is a mix of live footage, straight animation shots and, at times, rehearsal audio so you can hear me stumble over some of the words and a lot of the music composed for the final performance is missing. But it is still rather lovely. Just know that I'm a bit better at saying words then this makes me out to be. ;) I'm the writer and actor of this one. *eckyducky was the designer.
[link]

We have some of our trailers posted. Not much but it is something:

[link]
[link]
[link]

And this one is a video of a rehearsal for a music gig we did. We had been the flagship show for a festival and we were rehearsing a special something for closing night.
[link]

That's pretty much all I have I'm afraid! Because we are theatre makers, we are big on art being live so don't ever really put up footage of our shows.
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012
Your amazing work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
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:iconhalohid:
Halohid Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
Thank you very much!
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012
You're welcome.
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:iconfotoasylum:
fotoasylum Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012
Great read!
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:iconhalohid:
Halohid Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
Thank you!
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:iconmeghan-solo:
meghan-solo Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012
fantastic as always :)
i love how it all ties in together

:heart: faved
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:iconhalohid:
Halohid Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
Thanks! It was just a bit of fun but I really loved writing these.
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:iconmeghan-solo:
meghan-solo Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
:aww:
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:iconcrh:
crh Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ensnared I am, by those words of yours
like drops of sweet wine, in treacherous cups
sweeter death can't be, let me die every hour
what bliss
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:iconhalohid:
Halohid Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012
Thank you so much! What lovely and thoughtful words.
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:iconheuvelliedje:
Heuvelliedje Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my gosh. This is so good! I read it with a lot of joy and the end really surprised me.
Also, I liked to read how this story was born; it's quite inspiring for me.
Reply
:iconhalohid:
Halohid Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012
Thank you! Sometimes deadlines are really great for writing! It made me very excited that I only had the time it took to get the train home to write these in. Sometimes a friend giving you a theme, an opening sentence or something you have to incorporate into the story can also be great.

Anyway, so glad you enjoy!
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